Parents & Loved Ones of Trans Folks
The love between a parent and a child is one of the most sacred experiences in life.
I offer my wisdom and personal experience to facilitate compassion, spaciousness, and understanding for parents, loved ones, and elders of transgender, nonbinary, and gender variant people. My deepest wish in this work is to support parents who are seeking to better understand and love their trans children, and to restore the power of parent-child love in your family.
“I know what it’s like to be scared, to be terrified of leaning into a trans journey. I also know how powerful, life-changing, and transformative it is to embrace ourselves with compassion as we navigate the changes of transition and the creation of a sweeter, more free life.”
— shawndeez, Ph.D. (they/them)
As someone who grew up with a non-normative gender expression, someone who went on to transition in young adulthood, and as a father, I understand deeply the challenges these questions raise for a family. I know intimately, as a child and as a parent, what it means to love endlessly, yet still be confused, uncertain, or scared. I offer my expertise to support parents in the challenges that arise with navigating these shifts within their family:
a child coming out (as trans, nonbinary, genderqueer, etc.) and what that may mean
a child transitioning socially (changing hairstyles, clothes, name, pronouns, etc).
navigating medical transition and surgeries
assisting siblings as they come to terms with another sibling’s transition
fears with coming out to relatives, friends, and surrounding networks
explaining gender transition to elders
grieving the loss of a ‘son’ or ‘daughter’
Although gender transition is a massive and life-changing event for the person experiencing it, I believe that you, as the parent, deserve time and space to likewise, process what this shift means for you. While it is necessary that your child receives ample support during this time, it is absolutely imperative that as parents you also create space for yourselves amidst these life changing moments.
I believe that genuine growth in the parent-child relationship can only take place when you are able to be honest, open, and transparent about your fears, concerns, and worries - ideally held in a sacred space by a trained professional. I have witnessed what growth is possible through doing this work with my own mother and wish to extend my experience to support others as they rediscover what unconditional love between parent and child can bring them.
FAQs
What if I’m an Aunt or Grandmother? Partner?
These sessions are designed for anyone who loves and cares for a trans person and wants to have their own space in processing the transition. Parents, elders, siblings, partners, and loving relatives are all welcome. You do not need to be solely the parent to work with me. As long as you love a trans person in your life and would like to dedicate the time to processing that transition, I am happy to work with you. Please contact me if in doubt and we can further discuss the best options for you.
Can you share more about your personal family experience and how that shapes your work?
I was raised in an Iranian household with a large extended Iranian family in the Southern California region. I know intimately the fears, struggles, and concerns of an Iranian American family unit and I bring that awareness to my work. Though I do have a particular cultural experience, I do not solely work with immigrant families. I am open and happy to offer my expertise to anyone who wishes to pursue this work.
Nonetheless, my life experience deeply shapes my work. I know well what it means to be from an immigrant family and to navigate questions of gender transition. I have direct experience with:
Iranian-American/Middle Eastern family structures
The limitations of the English language and translating gender variance to other languages and cultures
Muslim communities and faith-based contemplations
Immigrant and non-American family dynamics and relationships
Interracial family dynamics
I am happy to share more about myself on whatever would make you feel safer or more supported in making the choice to pursue this work. Please be in touch.
My child is nonbinary, not transgender. Can I work with you?
Absolutely. I use ‘trans’ as an umbrella term for any form of gender variance: transgender, nonbinary, genderqueer, FtM, MtF, etc. If your child has expressed or demonstrated gender variance and you wish to have support around the shifts, please feel free to reach out to me.
Can two parents join in a session?
Sessions are primarily designed for one individual. I believe having a dedicated space for yourself as you process these important life shifts is of utmost importance.
However, if a couple is interested in and committed to doing this work together, that can certainly be arranged. Please be in touch to discuss your options.
What career experience do you bring to this work?
I received my Ph.D. in Gender Studies from UCLA. I taught gender studies and LGBT studies courses at UCLA for over five years, courses such as: Trans Magic, Queer & Trans Muslim Feminisms, and QTPoC Resistances. I also served on the UCLA Trans Wellness Team, working to provide gender-affirming healthcare to transgender, nonbinary, and gender non-conforming students across the UC system. I am a full time healer, public speaker, and workshop facilitator, offering spiritually-inspired spaces for queer/trans people to lean into their joys.
I am now offering parent support sessions because I believe in the radical and transformative power of parent-child love. I have seen how desperately we need more spaces for parents and loved ones of trans folks that are led by compassion and understanding, and I hope to offer myself and my wisdom to facilitate more of that love.
How much do you charge? How are sessions formatted?
Sessions are held every other week (2/month). Each session is 60 min in length.
Pricing is as follows:
$225/session for one parent/one individual
If you are interested in a couple’s session (two individuals), please reach out to me. I prefer to offer individuals their own sessions and private space, but if a couple is invested in doing this work alongside one another, I can certainly hold couple’s sessions.
I recommend a minimum of three months in order to allow time for the work to take effect, yet am open to your life’s circumstances and all the unplanned hiccups we are bound to encounter. Be in touch and we will figure out what works best.
I’m interested in learning more. Do you offer consultation calls?
I certainly do! If you’re interested in working with me, please send me an email at shawndeez@ucla.edu. I will follow-up and schedule a time for a quick, free consultation call to see if we are interested in working together.